Reflection..
Every year, around the same time, I find myself reflecting on things. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing but I always find myself doing so.
It’s been a weird year. I have felt the loneliest I’ve ever felt at times this year yet I have no explanation for feeling like it because I have my Joe, and our babies. So it feels silly for even feeling like it, yet I do. Not all the time. Only when I only have myself and my thoughts alone together.
Joe & my little ones out of the equation, I don’t really have anyone else. I have one really close friend and a couple of people I see every now and then who’s company I really enjoy. The amount of friends I have doesn’t bother me, and that’s not why I feel lonely either. I guess it’s just one of those things you can feel when you don’t have the network or support you crave around you? Because that’s the kind of loneliness I feel.
A family, a big family that love each other. A family that supports one each other, and would go to the ends of the earth for one another. Family that phone you at the weekend and invite you over for a great big roast/games night just because they enjoy you & your children’s company. Family that want to pick your children up from school, or look after them or want to take them out for days. Family that make you feel wanted and loved. One that I was so sure I grew up in yet somehow doesn’t exist anymore.
There have been so many times this past year where I have wanted to reach out to old friends/family members and try and make things better but just don’t know where to start. It is so difficult sometimes. I can’t really explain it. But pride amongst other things get in the way. Life gets in the way and before you it, weeks turn into months and then so much time has passed. I wonder if other people feel like this too? In a perfect world, we would all get along. Perhaps though, some people just aren’t supposed to be in each others lives?
I’m naturally a caring person, it’s what I do. Even when I don’t want too, I do. Even when it doesn’t seem it, I am. I’m always looking for things to do for other people to make them happier, or to make things better. I generally do like to look after people. And I think that’s why I feel so sensitive about things.
I keep thinking back about school days, the friends I used to have back then are the ones I shared some of my best memories with. I always thought, when we grow up, we’d still see each other, our children will be friends just like we were, and we would look back on our memories and still laugh just like we used too. But it doesn’t always work out that way, unfortunately. And though, I still have most of them on Facebook, we are all living different lives. I must remind myself that we drifted apart for a reason and sometimes that’s ok. But is it wrong to crave that kind of friendship? Is it wrong to want a big family where your children play with your relatives children, whilst being doted on by their aunts and grandparents.
I have had so many wonderful people in my life at some point, ones that I never dreamed of losing a close friendship/relationship with.
I got back in touch with an old friend a couple of weeks ago, and it was so good to catch up. So much had happened for both of us since we last had spoke but nothing had changed between us at all, we still knew each other, and it was just so nice. I must make sure I remember to not leave it so long again.
Maybe this is all on me, maybe if I had just made a bit more effort. Maybe if I had the balls to say something. Maybe, I wouldn’t feel like this now. But then again, maybe I’m asking for too much.
So maybe, if you’re reading this, and you feel the same - reach out to that person you’re missing, and see what happens. And who knows, maybe I’ll do the same? After all, at the end of the day, life really is too short.
Thanks for reading,
Michaela.
It’s been a weird year. I have felt the loneliest I’ve ever felt at times this year yet I have no explanation for feeling like it because I have my Joe, and our babies. So it feels silly for even feeling like it, yet I do. Not all the time. Only when I only have myself and my thoughts alone together.
Joe & my little ones out of the equation, I don’t really have anyone else. I have one really close friend and a couple of people I see every now and then who’s company I really enjoy. The amount of friends I have doesn’t bother me, and that’s not why I feel lonely either. I guess it’s just one of those things you can feel when you don’t have the network or support you crave around you? Because that’s the kind of loneliness I feel.
A family, a big family that love each other. A family that supports one each other, and would go to the ends of the earth for one another. Family that phone you at the weekend and invite you over for a great big roast/games night just because they enjoy you & your children’s company. Family that want to pick your children up from school, or look after them or want to take them out for days. Family that make you feel wanted and loved. One that I was so sure I grew up in yet somehow doesn’t exist anymore.
There have been so many times this past year where I have wanted to reach out to old friends/family members and try and make things better but just don’t know where to start. It is so difficult sometimes. I can’t really explain it. But pride amongst other things get in the way. Life gets in the way and before you it, weeks turn into months and then so much time has passed. I wonder if other people feel like this too? In a perfect world, we would all get along. Perhaps though, some people just aren’t supposed to be in each others lives?
I’m naturally a caring person, it’s what I do. Even when I don’t want too, I do. Even when it doesn’t seem it, I am. I’m always looking for things to do for other people to make them happier, or to make things better. I generally do like to look after people. And I think that’s why I feel so sensitive about things.
I keep thinking back about school days, the friends I used to have back then are the ones I shared some of my best memories with. I always thought, when we grow up, we’d still see each other, our children will be friends just like we were, and we would look back on our memories and still laugh just like we used too. But it doesn’t always work out that way, unfortunately. And though, I still have most of them on Facebook, we are all living different lives. I must remind myself that we drifted apart for a reason and sometimes that’s ok. But is it wrong to crave that kind of friendship? Is it wrong to want a big family where your children play with your relatives children, whilst being doted on by their aunts and grandparents.
I have had so many wonderful people in my life at some point, ones that I never dreamed of losing a close friendship/relationship with.
I got back in touch with an old friend a couple of weeks ago, and it was so good to catch up. So much had happened for both of us since we last had spoke but nothing had changed between us at all, we still knew each other, and it was just so nice. I must make sure I remember to not leave it so long again.
Maybe this is all on me, maybe if I had just made a bit more effort. Maybe if I had the balls to say something. Maybe, I wouldn’t feel like this now. But then again, maybe I’m asking for too much.
So maybe, if you’re reading this, and you feel the same - reach out to that person you’re missing, and see what happens. And who knows, maybe I’ll do the same? After all, at the end of the day, life really is too short.
Thanks for reading,
Michaela.
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